(Explicit language appears in this blog post)
It was a little after 11:30pm on March 2nd, 2026, when the office phone rang. Caller ID placed him in Arkansas.
Maybe this was someone in need of rapid ghostwriting services. I picked up. A loud, sloppy male voice croaked: “I heard you could write.” True, I replied. I said we’re ghostwriters. Then: “Yeah, fuck a ghostwriter. I don’t give a fucking fuck.”
Whoa! Is this guy drunk? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve fielded a late-night drunk call.
“I have an outline for a script and I’m down to write it and stuff, but I would love to, uh, go to some sort of abbreviation or, uh, or to look over the script, I guess.”
I told him I have qualified screenwriters that can review his outline, and provide advice and guidance. I asked if this is for a theatrical film or a television series.
“Preferably, yeah, theatrical film, but, uh, regardless. I have no problem with making a series or anything like that, but I feel like it works better as a work of film.”
I told him consulting is probably what he needed, and that he can buy a block of time with a screenwriter before work begins. Which is $40 per hour. A block of 10 hours would be $400.
“That sounds all fine, sir, but what just your consultant? Uh, like no offense to you at all, sir, but who the fuck are you?” he growled.
I replied: “I’m the one hanging up on you.”
He called back several times. I didn’t pick up. Then I blocked his number. Fun and games. He can go be a jerk to someone else.
There is no end to the advice about how to choose the right ghostwriter. Someone needs to do an article on how to be a good client.
