This is a text exchange with an elderly man in Hawaii. He’s led a life of crime, apparently as a jewel thief, and wants to tell his story before they bury him. He knows how to text but not how to use email. He and his lady apparently sent a considerable sum to a writer, who then absconded with the funds. I know we could have handled this project in a perfectly honorable way, but he wants to deal with someone local (so he can call the cops if stuff goes south), and Southern California’s not quite local to Hawaii. Nor do I have any writers under contract in Hawaii. Here we go:
Hi Michael, my name is Patrick, and I’ve been looking for a trustworthy ghostwriter, to do my story now for over a year with no success, and the reason why we are having problems finding someone, is because we don’t have a computer. Not only that we don’t have one, but also because we can’t operate one. The problem that my significant other and I have been going through, for over a year, is getting to talk with a trustworthy ghostwriter, that’s not like the one who ripped my significant other off for a large sum of money, that my 75- year-old woman earned by picking up aluminum cans and bottles off of the streets.
Michael, my woman and I don’t have much time left in our lives, and our death wish is to finish my true life story before I hit the dirt. Can you possibly help us to get my story out there, so that my family can some day understand why I lived a criminal life? In the event that this task might be to difficult for you to take on, can you please find it within your heart, to point me in the direction of someone who can? The story is basically about a “hoodlum thief,” and is a true life story, from beginning to end.
May I add, that we are running out of time….
Hello Patrick. I’m sure we can assist. We’ve got an excellent reputation and a fine customer service attitude. Plus, I have many fine writers on staff. We do not play stupid/vicious games with clients. It’s going on 2am here and I’m about to turn out the lights. Give me your full name, location and email address. I’ll get back to you in detail on Friday. Thank you.
…Don’t bother emailing me because I don’t know how to receive anything, but texting works fine. Please keep in mind, that I do have a manuscript that needs to be gone through with my presence. Please understand. After a whole year of searching for help, I hope that you can help us. This story is built around a life of a “cat jewel thief.” Hope you and your people can handle a story like this, being that I’m not pulling any punches in delivering each account.
In the event that you might not be able to work with us, can you connect us with someone who can, here in the 50th State.
I am referring you to writer [name deleted]. I don’t have a phone number for her but her email address is: [deleted], and she is in Hawaii. I’m about to email her and I’ll ask her to call you. I do not know this woman but her website is impressive. Good luck.
Aloha means so much to the people here in Hawaii, it’s a means of telling you thank you in more ways than one, if I can talk with Ms. [deleted], it would be a blessing, and I thank you, even if I feel that she will not call us.
I did ask her to make a referral to someone with the necessary skills and ethics if she did not want to handle your project.
Thank you Michael. In our generation today, no one gives a flying “you know what” about people today, unless they get paid. Imagine having to get paid to care.
Patrick, that writer says she is traveling and not accepting new clients, so am sending the same query to [another writer] instead. Her email is: [deleted]. No phone number. I hope it works out for you.